Have you ever had the sensation to be like a fish out of the bowl? Well, this is the exact sensation that I always had since I was a child.
To feel yourself into unsatisfactory clothes, to be in the wrong place, in the wrong time.
First of all in my family: the only person that had the same kind of sensibility was my grandmother: she hadn’t an huge culture (she was orphan when she was 7, with 3 brothers and 1 sister, the most adult of which was 17, and we were in 1918), however she was very sensitive, probably too much, like me!
To attend school with rich stupid people, to think about my future in another country while I was like in jail at home. Studying philosophy when the world around you were completely oriented to practical matters, hoping for the future, hoping for the best, hoping that the things will going better…
Unfortunately hope after hope the good willing have crashed down: why? I don’t know… Maybe I have been too little clever, or persistent… maybe that an envious god had decided that it should have to be so…
I have tried, this is the only thing that I can say to myself to justify to be still alive!
As Somebody said: “the real is rational, and the rational is real”, that’s the only thing that counts! However in the life of everybody there are some imponderable variables that don’t allow to change the flow of the events, even if you fight with all your strenght: if we were ancient greeks we could say that it’s your own fate!
Maybe that I have unconsciously ever known my own fate, and this is the reason why I have ever felt myself a fish out of the bowl.